Maybe i'm more emotional than everyone else.

They dont really get upset this much.I'm too stressed out..over the IDEAS project lately,friends, life and other stuff. i guess this is what comes together as you grow up,lots of problems.

Sometimes,when you do things that you realized,was a bad decision at the end,would you try to make up for it? It's like,even if you tried,you know that you can only do this little bit,and who knows if it would help?Then you would get disheartened,and not try again.灰心,we call it.

Suddenly these days i feel super lonely, alot. maybe too much for me to handle also. And of course,you would want one of the most important people in your life to be there for you,and cheer you up and stuff. Wouldnt you feel totally disappointed when they cant really seem to do much? it's not that we dont appreciate their effort;in fact,you'd be glad that at least he is willing to spend time to try calm you down and offer a ear and a bit of time to your complaints even though his attention span on the phone is approximately 5 minutes.

but you're thinking: i'm actually disturbing him and intruding in his life so much,he might have lost interest in me already,because,humans are selfish and they wouldnt waste their youth to be stuck to a burden anyway.
that makes you feel worse.even if it's not him,you also wouldnt want to be a parasite living off other people's life energy and optimism.

No one is reading this anyway,so i can shoot off anything i wanna say.

i really dunno how or why i became like this. horrible,you know. one thing's right about what they say: sometimes there's no way you can put a feeling down into words. yup,that's the situation now. this is like the best i can describe the whole thing out.

there are alot of things i cant bring myself to say,or i dont have the courage to say it.
all i'm hoping,is that you'll be interested to know what's happening to me lately,and come read my blog. there would be too much depression,so i decided not to write some of them in that diary,coz i still wanna keep some happy memories of the past.plus, i dont want to cause you to be sickened and think that all that i can write about is depressing stuff.i know you like my bubbly self,when i'm crazily bouncing about. i seem to be feeling different at night,like there's a darker side of me and stuff. maybe tiredness ba. if you think i'm being too dramatic then that's up to you.

i just dont want to do or say anything that will affect us negatively,okay?

sorry..my exams coming up too,hopefully i can scrape through. grading too. best if i dont forget the steps,coz i dont wanna fail.

if there's anything i missed out i'll edit.thanks for taking time to read all these too:)