Read through the archives. From since i started this blog. i guess you could say those are memories. hahaha..re-lived through how i felt the last time,those feelings for the person i had a crush on for four years. How time flies. Life's filled with many "if-only s". (P.s: got a bit disgusted. haha. wondered why i wrote in short form then coz it feels like a twit writing).

If something happened then,maybe i wouldnt have met the people i met now. i realized, yeah it's true,we cannot predict the future (yup given the fact that we're not psychic unless you're one),and we cant change the past. But if you want to steer your future to something you want it to be,the present will be able to affect it,so moral of story-WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE THE ABILITY TO CHANGE OUR FUTURE,COZ IT ISNT HERE YET.^^

All these sayings are come up by people who are just like ourselves;normal, average people. They dont have to be geniuses or anything, it's just that through life and experiences,they've been enlightened. Who knows what would happen if i chose jc. Maybe i'll know some other friends. i would probably never be attached then. If i chose another path then,i'd probably be leading a totally different life now. Stressed with A levels..haha.Unloved too.

i was reading through one of the previous posts,and realized i have actually said something that i realized i'm already doing/would have done.

Scroll down,maybe you will see me saying "maybe it's because i dont have a goal,and nothing worth making sacrifices for blah blah..."

BULLSHIT. what was i talking about? hahaha.. i have a goal. i priortize the two of us,family and friends above everything else. Which seems stupid because,how can you put 3 things as your first priority?

Why not man! All of them are grouped under the "things that are important to me" category.

Studies,work and everything else is secondary,tertiary,etc etc etc. Relationship,kinship and friendships are the most important to me.

And having said that,i have someone worth making sacrifices for. Even when i was depressed by all the rejection,i hung on. All the credits go to people who have listened to my rants and gave me opinions and analysis of the situation,i dont dare claim anything. Because i told myself,i knew you are someone who's very important to me,someone really worth saving the relationship for,and i guess when you really love that person,you can go all out for it,even if you get hurt in the process. Pride and dignity,and everything else disappears.

Sometimes i'm at a loss of what to do. Nothing that i did ever seems right.

Fear,fear,fear. There's a reason why it exists..for us to overcome it right? Or something.

I cant rely on anyone now. This kind of loneliness,cant be described in words. Feels like everyone has turned their back on you. I'm sorry..i know you guys have a life too,and i shouldnt burden anyone with my problems. Oh,look at the sky. it's just turned dark grey. The air has become stifling. I need WIND. I need BREEZE. Where's that someone when you need the person to be there?i dont have the right to complain. Desperation,i guess,when you really want someone you love to come back. It's been a while already. I havent given up,yet i dunno what else i can do. I want to be that cheerful wacky person you know,and everyone knows. And leaving me isnt gonna help,and you may never see that smile again. with that i mean one that comes from deep within. otherwise, i could have just put up with a fake smile.

I'm working hard now. It's not how i used to study,but i dont mind because i'm working hard to get into uni, and the only motivation is you.

it's really hard,the course i want there. i almost cried in desperation because it's almost impossible,when i ran through all the requirements. But i know,at least even if i didnt make it,i worked hard. i still have to give it my best shot. If you think i'm going to back off so easily,you've underestimated me. But i just hope,i wont be disappointed,because i believe in you. Please wait for me.

It's definitely fine with me if we manage to get back together sooner than expected,as early as possible,before i even step into NTU,because i can give you my word-even when you're my bf already,i'll still study hard,okay?^^

No matter what,all i want is just to be back together with you.

Please,someone,anyone who can help me,please do.

(p.s :eleanor! i'll do your quiz soon! thanks^^)